already

5 01 2007

Ahhhh, what a day already. This morning, my class is supposed to be
on a field trip to the Math & Science center here in Richmond.
However, due to the fact the they are all horrible little children,
instead they are sitting at their desks taking a test that we were
going to take this afternoon. Three are crying, and I’m sure that I
will be getting some phone calls on Monday. Since I’ve started writing this post, I have also now ripped up two tests and thrown them in the trash because the students were talking to each other.  Nice.

I’m just at this point where I truly wonder what kind of difference am I making? Th sad fact of it is, most of these kids won’t be making it to graduation, much less to college and beyond. the ones who would would have done so without me. So why am I burning myself out when the kids and their parents aren’t bothering? I can’t teach the way I know I should be, the city has such restraints on us because of all the testing. It’s out of control. I just don’t know what my next step needs to be. Do I stay here and try to change things, burn out in a couple more years because I can’t keep myself from investing too much time and emotion? Do I seek out private school where the pay won’t be as good but I might be get more respect? How do I tell my principal that I adore, that I just can’t do the job I want to be doing here? I spend so much time on all of this, and for what? I just don’t know.

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long week…

5 01 2007

questioning almost all that I am…
Current mood: drained

as usual it’s Adam that I turn to.


– Perfect Blue Buildings by the Counting Crows.

Just down the street from your hotel, baby
I stay at home with my disease
And ain’t this position familiar, darling
Well, all monkeys do what they see
Help me stay awake, I’m falling…Down on Virginia and La Loma
Where I got friends who’ll care for me
You got an attitude of everything I ever wanted
I got an attitude of need
Help me stay awake, I’m falling…

Asleep in perfect blue buildings
Beside the green apple sea
Gonna get me a little oblivion
Try to keep myself away from me

It’s 4:30 A.M. on a Tuesday
It doesn’t get much worse than this
In beds in little rooms in buildings in the middle
of these lives which are completely meaningless
Help me stay awake, I’m falling…Asleep in perfect blue buildings
Beside the green apple sea
Gonna get me a little oblivion
Try to keep myself away from myself and me

I got bones beneath my skin, and mister…
There’s a skeleton in every man’s house
Beneath the dust and love and sweat that hangs on everybody
There’s a dead man trying to get out
Please help me stay awake, I’m falling…

Asleep in perfect blue buildings
Beside the green apple sea
Gonna get me a little oblivion baby
Try to keep myself away from me