running

25 09 2006

nothing to offer

so many demands being made

not worthy of anyone’s needs

can’t even meet my own

where do i go from here

need to fill this ache in my soul

can’t find the plug

running in my mind

away from it all

something less serious, something more fun

how do i convince myself that this is it

 





thoughts

22 09 2006

Do you ever feel like you are too deep for the world around you?

Am I the only one who no one understands?  Or are you one, too?

Are my dreams unreasonable considering where I am? Who I am?





what do I do when I don’t know what to do?

22 09 2006

North Point North
In these I find my calling:
in the shower, in the mirror, in unconsciousness
hours spent staring at a screen
at artifacts complete unto themselves.
I think of them as self-sufficient worlds
where I can sojourn for a while,
then wake to find the clouds dispersing
and the sidewalks steaming with the
rain that mut have fallen while I stayed inside.
The sun is shining, and the quiet
doubts are answered with more doubts,
for as the years begin to mirror one another
and the diary in the brain implodes,
what filters through the theories on the page
is a kind of settledness, an equilibrium
Between the life I have and what time seemed to hold-
these rooms, these poems, these ordinary streets
that spring to life each summer in an intricate construction
blending failed hopes and present happiness-
which from the outside seems like self-deception. 

There is no end to these reflections,
to their measured music with it’s dying fall
wherin the heart and what it seeks are reconciled.
I live them, and as though in gratitude
they shape my days, fom morning with it’s sweetest smile
until the hour when sleep blows out the candle.
Between, the present falls away,
and for a while the old romance resumes.
Familiar but unrecognized, an undiscovered place
concealed within the confines of this rom, that seems at once a form of feeling and state of grace
prepared for me, written in my name
against a time when time has finally merged
these commonplace surroundings with what lies behind the veil-
Leaving behind at least a version of the truth
composed of what I felt and what i saw aoutside my window
on a summer morning; melding sound and sense,
a music and a mood, together in a hesitant embrace
that makes them equal at the end. 





faith

22 09 2006

Shifting Sand

Sometimes I believe all the lies
So I can do the things I should despise
And every day I am swayed
By whatever is on my mind
I hear it all depends on my faith
So I’m feeling precarious
The only problem I have with these mysteries
Is they’re so mysterious
And like a consumer I’ve been thinking
If I could just get a bit more
More than my 15 minutes of faith,
Then I’d be secure
My faith is like shifting sand
Changed by every wave
My faith is like shifting sand
So I stand on grace

-Caedmon’s Call





this is what’s up

20 09 2006

Blue Light Lounge Sutra for the Performance Poets at Harold Park Hotel

by Yusef Komunyakaa

the need gotta be so deep words can’t answer questions, all night long notes stumble of the tongue & color the air indigo, so deep fragments of gut & flesh cling to the song, you gotta get into it, so deep salt crystallizes on eyelashes, the need gotta be so deep you can vomit up ghosts & not feel broken, til you are no more than a half ounce of gold in painful brightness, you gotta get into it, blow that saxophone so deep all the sex & dope in this world can’t erase your need to howl against the sky, the need gotta be so deep you can’t just wiggle your hips & rise out of it, chaos in the cosmos, modern man in the pepperpot, you gotta get hooked into every hungry groove, so deep the bomb locked in rust opens like a fist, in it so deep rhythm is pre-memory, the need gotta be basic animal need to see & know the terror, we are made of honey cause if you wanna dance, this boogie be ready to let the devil use your head for a drum.

 





hell

19 09 2006

what a day.  It’s amazing to me how these children forget everything they’ve ever learned over the small period of time between Friday and Monday.  They are out of control.  One more 45 minute period and they go the Library, I get a break.  They’re killing me.





Floating over You- by Adam

15 09 2006

Getting dressed and bunger bound
shuffling through the heather
neighbors drop their flowers down and worry about the weather
every night I’m floating over you my love
every night I dream I’m under you
All the smiling hands delivering all the ???
All of the smiling men with suede hands delivering with those pensions
wont you please except our sympathy into three dimensions
every night I’M floating over you my love
every night I’m drifting under you
Don’t want to think about my last cigarette
don’t want to focus on the curve of your thigh
don’t want to slip off your white silhouette
I don’t think this is a very sensible way to die.
Lonely lonely lonely
Lonely lonely lonely
Lonely lonely lonely
Lonely lonely lonely

Every night I’M floating over you my love
every night I dream I’m under you
Well I’m alter bound and under dressed
just slightly out of order hanging on the fringe of daylights
soft and pitchy border.
Every night I’m floating over you my love
every night I’m slipping under you
Every night I’m floating over you my love
every night I’m dream I’m under you
lonely lonely ohh I’M so lonely.